The Cardboard Cutout
by Twilight Is My Second Language
Summary: Bella is in a love triange with two boys. How will this story end? Its hilarious and completely random... but still awesome...


THE CARDBOARD CUTOUT EDWARD

Discalimer:I do not own any of the twilight characters.

Authors' Note: Yeah my friend was really bored, so she wrote this story about me,so we changed the names. Hope you like it!!!! (Its really random and retarded). BTW Olivia is the one who wrote this…

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Bella. Bella was a normal 13 year old girl who went to forks middle school, in Washington State. Bella did have a problem, though. She was stuck in a love triangle. It was between her and two boys. One was Edward Cullen, an imaginary book character, and the other was James Choy, REAL Chinese nerd, who did not really look Chinese. Now, Bella loved both of them, which was really weird, but what was even weirder was that one of Bella's friends, Jessica, was also in love with Bella. Jessica was a creepy stalker girl. So one day Bella's best friend Olivia killed her with a sniper. So Jessica was quickly pushed out of the storyline.

Like any other day Bella came to school with her life size cardboard cutout of Edward, who she called her boyfriend. This always made James jealous because he didn't like to lose his girl to a cardboard person. So one day he stole Olivia's sniper and shot the cardboard cutout in the butt. Bella was devastated, so she took the cutout to the hospital, where the doctors looked at her like an idiot, and told her about a local mental institution. They gave her a pamphlet and sent her away.

Once returned to school, she attempted to make a paper copy of the cutout in the copy machine, but found that it had been sabotaged by James. Little did she know that James as around the corner snickering about his genius plans. After realizing that her cardboard love was dead, Bella threw a funeral for the dead cardboard Edward.

James was there, dressed up as a ninja, which was retarded, because it was daylight. But because he was wearing black, Bella just thought he was there for the funeral. When the cardboard cutout was in the coffin, it blew up because James had previously planted a bomb in it. The forest next to it caught on fire, and all the woodland creatures started attacking James for absolutely no reason whatsoever. James then landed in the fiery coffin, therefore, his butt caught on fire. Bella stood there, and pondered the fact that her boyfriends had bad butt luck. She pulled James out of the coffin, and smothered the fire on his butt with a furry squirrel.

Bella then took the sniper that James took from Olivia, and shot all the remaining woodland creatures off of James. James then ran away mumbling something like "She's not worth it!" He ended up in the local mental institution after reading the pamphlet that Bella had dropped when grabbing frantically for the furry squirrel.

Eventually James escaped from the mental institution, and started looking for Bella once again. But when he was crossing the street he got hit by a speeding bus. James' tongue got frozen to the back of the bus and he was driven to Texas before anyone noticed he was there. When James was taken to the hospital he was reunited with Bella, who was now a doctor/veterinarian/vampire wannabe/garbage person/lunch lady/ dentist/ fashion designer/vampire fan girl/farmer/Edward fan girl.

James' tongue had to be amputated. So he could not talk like a normal person any more. When James did speak, he sounded like a deformed elven (A.N: Like an elf) midget, who was drowning in a chocolate smoothie with whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Bella and James decided to join a crew of pirates to achieve their dreams of owning a shoulder parrot. But one day, during a long and fierce battle with a ship called The Woodland Creatures Revenge. James lost his leg and had to get a wooden peg leg. Unfortunately, the peg leg was too short, so he ended up looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Bella felt left out so she got a moose to bite one of her legs off, so she could also get a peg leg. But the pirate captain, who happened to be Olivia, could only afford a cheap plastic leg from Toys R Us, because they lost most of the ships chocolate gold coins to the starving revengeful Woodland Creatures.

One day James was gambling which was against the ship rules and was forced to walk the plank by captain Olivia. The woodland creatures felt bad for James and made a fuzzy raft for him where he lived off walnuts for the next six years. Over time James grew an extremely long beard and could also pass for Michael Jackson from all the seawater he drank. Eventually he floated back to Texas, where Bella had been sitting in a beach chair, by the ocean for those six years waiting for James to show up.

The two were finally, once again, reunited. Suddenly a giant robot popped out of the sea and squashed Bella and James into tiny pancakes in the ground. Then it flew away. Eventually James and Bella had been restored to their almost normal size (except now they were midgets and James' voice finally fit).

A few more years past and global warming finally took its toll. Bella and James set out to stop global warming by traveling to Antarctica. There they met a tribe of penguins. The leader was named Tim. Tim's wife was named the Cannibal Mistress of Death, who used to be a pirate. Because of their extremely short legs and because they waddled when they walked the penguins thought that Bella and James were just extremely ugly, featherless penguins.

When out for a swim in the ocean one day, Bella's plastic, Toys R Us leg broke. Within seconds freezing water filled it up, because it was hollow. Bella began to sink to the bottom of the ocean. James was eating at the penguin edition of McDonalds when he heard and quickly escaped from the play place to save Bella ASAP.

TO BE CONTINUED…….

If you review……


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